*Trunk or Treat & Fit Girl Guide*

We had our ward trunk or treat this evening. I was excited since I actually thought of something to be ahead of time. I am the WORST at coming up with costumes. I'm just not super big into Halloween, though now that I have kids it's a bit more fun.

So I decided to be Wenda and had Craig be Waldo. I had ordered Waldo costumes off of Amazon that came with the red and white striped shirt, beanie, and glasses. Until I tried on the glasses, I had no intention of wearing them since I have my own, as does Craig. However, I tried them on today and they just made the outfit complete. 

Kaileb was a green ninja and Tayla was a softball player. It was a lot of fun seeing everyone's costumes and handing candy out to the kiddos. Then afterwards there was chili and cornbread. So good!

Now for the Fit Girl Guide part. My bestie told me about this earlier this week. It's a 28 day challenge that starts this coming Monday. You have to buy the ebook to participate. It comes complete with good info, daily workouts, and best of all, meal plans! I generally hate anything to do with "diets". However, this one seems doable and will really help me get to the healthy eating and portion sizes I need to, and will jumpstart my weightloss journey. 

These meal plans are great because it's written out, illustrated, gives variations on the dishes, and the grocery list is the best. Tells you how many of each thing to get instead of just listing what you need. And tells you what items will also be used for subsequent weeks.

So I did my grocery shopping today for my healthier foods. Yay! Wish I would have taken a picture of it! Ha ha. 

*Weightloss Journey*

So clearly I am not the greatest at writing in my blog.

Now that that's out of the way....I recently started up again on getting fit and losing weight.
Craig and I got engaged on September 24, and the wedding will be next fall.
So that is a HUGE motivation for me to lose weight!

Another reason, which I may be more frank about in the future after I have lost some weight, is the weight that I have gained over the past year and a half.
We're talking ballpark of 20-30 lbs!

I hit my highest weight (that I know of), about a month ago when I was weighed at the doctor's office. I had avoided the scale at ALL costs for the entire summer, if not longer. Ugh. I knew I had put on weight, and I knew that my clothes were tighter than they have ever been and I have felt so completely uncomfortable in my skin for the last year or more. But seeing the numbers on that scale was a wake-up call. I HAD to do something before it actually became a health risk.

I like to think I have hid the weight gain well. I have a very athletic/muscular build by nature. And when I gain weight it seems to distribute throughout, with some more love in places than others, but are for the most part, concealable.

Anyhow, Monday October 13, was the day I started my weight loss journey, again. And with more determination and zeal than in the past. And this time I have vowed not to count calories, or to count macros. No counting of any kind. I don't doubt that it works, but it doesn't for me. The reason being is it stresses me out, makes me obsess about food and calories in a way I don't want to and isn't healthy, and for me, it's not a sustainable, long-term way to live life. I don't always want to be counting and measuring and keeping track of the foods that I eat. I have enough stress in my life as it is, I don't need that. It also makes me feel SO restricted in what I can and can't eat and makes me have the mentality of "good" foods and "bad" foods. I just don't like it. Props to those who can do it, but for me, it's just not worth it.

I decided I would approach things a little differently this time. I've come to find over the past year or so, that I have become and emotional eater. I don't think I always was, I believe it is something that developed for me, due to life circumstances. Stress. Food was always there to help me feel better. I would eat when I wasn't even hungry. I would eat way too much, until I was stuffed. I always ate fast. I often had 2nds at dinner. I ate a lot of junk foods and fast food. I'm a sucker for salty and sweets (at times). Though I also did eat A LOT of fruits and veggies, the balance of all of those foods wasn't good. And my exercise was on and off.

So this time around, my approach is this. Eat when I am hungry. Eat slowly and listen to my body. Drink tons of water (already had that one down pretty well). Eat smaller portions. Use the small plates at meal times. Make healthier choices in my foods. Use fresh ingredients in my cooking. (I already cooked 85%-90% of meals at home, just not always using healthy ingredients). Focus on what makes my body feel good and fueling my body with good foods. Eat intuitively. Don't binge or overeat, but if I want to have some potato chips, or cookies, or candy, I can. But I should just have a few. Not the whole bag. Not filling up on it. Also, I wanted to get better at running and build up my endurance. I started the Couch to 5K program again. Also started going to my favorite Zumba class on Monday nights. And lift weights heavy and target areas of my body I want to tone and lean out.

I think that is a doable approach. I have to believe that I will lose weight with this approach, since I'm not sure what other approach I can take and make into a lifestyle. One thing I do need to focus on is getting rid of that darn "diet mentality" and "good" food vs "bad" food. All foods are fine in moderation. Balance is KEY. It makes sense. Since balance is KEY in life, why not in nutrition as well?

I started last Monday. I didn't get a chance to weigh that day, but I did last Tuesday. I had lost 6-10 lbs since the doctor's visit. I felt great! But I also thought maybe one of the scales is way off. Who knows. But my scale is the one I have to go by. I measured Wednesday. Most of last week I did well. I exercised 4-5 times last week. I made healthier food choices most of the time and cooked healthier dinner for my family.

I definitely had some negative and bad thoughts come creeping in and trying to derail and demotivate me. Like when I was getting dressed for church on Sunday and a dress that had fit quite loosely over a year ago was now very tight on my arms and across my chest. But I kept going and didn't let those thoughts stop me for too long.

I weighed myself today and the scale had gone up. Disappointment and all sorts of other bad feelings and thoughts came into my head. But I shrugged it off and had to tell myself to give it time. Just keep being positive and doing what I'm doing and it will all turn out.

One last thing before I post some pics. Today I did NOT want to go running. I'm not really a fan of it yet. But I got dressed in my workout clothes, took my pre-workout, got my Polar FT4 watch on and got my music. I went outside to start running (just around my neighborhood) and I became incredibly self-conscious and wanted nothing more than to just go home and do a workout there and not get my run in. I was wearing a shirt I don't normally wear due to it's ability to works it way against the body and show the rolls I've worked hard to conceal. I normally wear loose cotton tanks. This is one of those dri-fit shirts. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Like "Oh! There goes the fat girl running/walking." But then I turned it around. I kept going so that I wouldn't have to feel like that much longer. Let that shame fuel my workout. And also turned the thoughts from "Oh! There goes the fat girl running/walking." to "Hey, she may not be super fit, but at least she's trying." Got my run in and then worked biceps after and felt really good.

Ok...that's all for now!

 

{Post workout one day}

 

{Chicken stir fry with fresh veggies, brown rice, light soy, and Siracha, & cashews}

 

{After a run and some yard work}

{Date night last Thursday night with my fiance. I indulged a bit. It was soo good!}

{My work brought in veggies for a snack. Yay!}

{This is the outfit that caused shame and embarrassment when running}

*Goals & Rewards*

So I have been trying to lose weight and it is such a process!

I'll do good about going to the gym, but then my food is crap.

Or I'm doing pretty good with food, but my exercising slacks off.

I sometimes feel like I can't do it. 

But then I look at all the wonderful fitness ladies I follow on Instagram

and am reminded that I CAN do this. And I WILL do this.

My goals aren't that lofty, but I am still going to take it a day at a time. 

And go more for Non-Scale Victories (NSV) than anything.

I think it's important to reward yourself when you have reached a goal,

then have another reward that you can give yourself when you have reached the next goal.

I just need to work on not jumping the gun on getting my rewards BEFORE I reach my goal, 

even though it's something that I REALLY want and would be beneficial for my workouts.

I NEED to just put in the hard work and effort to reach my goals.

I also need to remember that eating healthy you don't have to be 100% all the time.

I've read around a lot and done research, and eating healthy and good 80% of the time

and then not so good 20% of the time is ok. If you don't indulge every now and then, 

you will likely binge on whatever it is in the future.

I have used My Fitness Pal app on and off throughout the past couple years. 

I have started to really focus again starting this week and tracking what I eat in the app.

I have done really good with my food each day and have been proud of myself. 

Dinners are harder for me to eat as healthy as I would like, since it is with the family and 

I don't make them eat as super healthy as me. Especially the kids, who need to GAIN weight.

So these past few days, here is what my meals have looked like:

Breakfast (around 8:30am)

-Egg white omelet (5 eggs) drizzled with Siracha

-1/2 an avocado, mashed

-Green Smoothie (Power Greens from Costco, Banana, Flaxseed, Strawberries, Blueberries, Raspberries, Strawberry Banana Whey protein (sometimes), Passionfruit Mango Crystal Light

-Sometimes there is coffee with some Splenda

Morning snack (around 10:30am-11:30am)

-1/2 cup strawberries

-1/4 cup blueberries

-1/4 cup raspberries

-1/2 T Coco-Nut Butter White Chocolate Cake Batter (found at www.youfreshnaturals.com)

-1/2 T Coco-Nut Butter Cinnamon Roll (found at www.youfreshnaturals.com) 

And some Green Tea from Starbucks sweetened with 1 packet Splenda

Lunch (usually around 12:30pm - 1:30pm)

-4 or 6 oz. baked chicken breast

-1 cup steamed broccoli

-All covered in Tapatio hot sauce

Afternoon snack (usually anywhere from 3pm-4:30pm)

(Varies)

-1/2 tomato with several slices cucumber

or

-Greek yogurt

or

-Apple slices

or 

-Carrots and Celery

Dinner is with the family and I generally save about 1/2 to 1/3 of my days calories for dinner and dessert since it is eaten with the family and not as strict as the rest of my eating.

My night time snack is super good! 

Whole grain toast with Coco-Nut Butter topped with berries and mini chocolate chips.

Of course I drink TONS of water throughout the day! Love water.

And now...as if this post isn't long enough (though it's basically a journal for myself), my REWARDS for my goals.

***GOALS***

1. Lose 1-5 pounds

2. Lose 5-10 pounds

3. Lose 10-15 pounds

4. Lose 15-20 pounds

 

***REWARDS*** 

1. Polar FT Watch {found here}

 

2. Lululemon Pants or Top (maybe both - so many to choose from!) {found here and here}

 

 

3. New pair of Nikes 

 

4. Albion Fit Swimsuit, Top, or Pants (or all?!) {All found here}

Love ALL of these and more!

 

*Changes*

This past year of my life has had more changes than I've ever had before in such a small time.
It's been great, loving, happy, sad, scaring, overwhelming, stressful, fun, frustrating, and more.
I wouldn't change it for anything. But the whole thing has left me with about 20 lbs. more than I had.
It's embarrassing to admit that. I attribute it to stress, mostly. So so so SO much stress.
I was on a super healthy quick before my boyfriend and the kids came, so much so that I did not have much, if any, sugar or sweets in the house. I didn't eat a lot of carbs. I went to the gym 1-2 times a day. I was in GREAT shape! But then I became a full-time mom and girlfriend on top of full-time employee. My time for myself diminished. I am the type of person who puts all others before myself.

I don't blame all of the weight gain on anyone but myself, and as I said before, I wouldn't trade my new little family for anything.

I have had moments of self-hatred when looking in the mirror and getting a reality check and wake up call. My boyfriend is amazing and always says he loves me for me, and he says he doesn't think there is anything wrong with my body. But I know that I am not happy with it, nor am I comfortable in it. Cellulite...never had it before, but I do now. Love handles and back fat....not before, but again I have them now. I wasn't ever super skinny, but was very muscular. I want so badly to get back to that. I've done cleanses and fad diets, and "lifestyle" changes. But it's so incredibly hard with my limited time and a family and kids who are so small they need to be eating creamy, fattening things. Doctors orders. Don't get me wrong, I eat fruits and veggies at every meal. I drink tons of water. Lots of tea. But I also eat the salty and sweets as well.

I see all these women who have weighed more than me lose so much weight and gain lots of muscle and tone up. I want that so badly! And I know it's all up to me. At the beginning of the year I started waking up early to go to the gym. I'd go from 6am-7am before work. But then there are all the hiccups that I end up using as an excuse to quit. Sickness, too sore, too tired, etc. But I need to push through and just do it. Get it done. Because summer is 3 months away and I am no where near being comfortable in summer clothes anymore. I need to change and take charge of my body and weight.

I am going to do this. I just need to keep reminding myself that it doesn't happen overnight. It takes hard work and perseverance. My weakness is dinner and night time, so I need to figure something out to combat that.

That's all for now :)

*Back to It*

I am finally writing my first post in this blog! 

I'm just going to jump right into it.

For the past 10 months or so I have had the biggest struggle with my weight

and body image that I have ever had in my life.

I know a lot of it has to do with stress due to the change in my life that 

came about 10 months or so ago. 

I became a full-time mom to two kids almost overnight.

My boyfriend and I live together.

He has two kids with his ex (7 and 11 back in June).

They were removed from her and placed in our custody.

So along with a new, and not to mention my first, relationship,

I also became a mom.

The stress was incredibly high for me over the past 10 months,

causing me to gain weight.

I also no longer had time to do things for me,

like go to the gym.

Before the kids, I was hitting the gym at least once a day,

if not more.

Back in January I decided I had had enough and needed to take some action.

So I enlisted the help of a friend to be my gym buddy

and we started going to the gym at 6am every morning. 

It worked for a few weeks, then I slacked off.

I have also done diets and cleanses here and there and I absolutely HATE them.

I hate the DIET word.

I also hate the 'Lifestyle Change' thing.

I do eat healthy, I think.

Yes I indulge every now and then,

but if I don't, I am miserable.

If I can't eat what my family is eating, I am miserable.

I may need to cut back on portions and add even more protein into my nutrition.

I eat lots of fruits and veggies.

Any bread or pasta I have is whole grain.

I drink tons of water.

But then I do have the hashbrowns and biscuits and gravy,

or I have the pastries and donuts with the family.

So I know there are places I can cut back on.

I started going back to the gym this morning.

It was a GREAT workout!

I give myself an hour. 

I do weights for 30 minutes, then I do my cardio.

I started doing the Beginner to 5k program, since I am NOT a distance runner.

But I WANT to be. 

My goal is to start training for 5Ks and go from there.

I also want to tone and tighten my muscles.

AND I want to get rid of that unsightly cellulite! 

I NEVER have had it before, but slowly over the past several months,

it has crept up on me.

So this blog is going to be my personal record of how my fitness is going.

How life is going.

It's to keep me accountable and to have another outlet.

If people read this, great!

If not, great!

This is for ME.

Some MOTIVATIONAL pics that I found on Pinterest. 

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