*Changes*

This past year of my life has had more changes than I've ever had before in such a small time.
It's been great, loving, happy, sad, scaring, overwhelming, stressful, fun, frustrating, and more.
I wouldn't change it for anything. But the whole thing has left me with about 20 lbs. more than I had.
It's embarrassing to admit that. I attribute it to stress, mostly. So so so SO much stress.
I was on a super healthy quick before my boyfriend and the kids came, so much so that I did not have much, if any, sugar or sweets in the house. I didn't eat a lot of carbs. I went to the gym 1-2 times a day. I was in GREAT shape! But then I became a full-time mom and girlfriend on top of full-time employee. My time for myself diminished. I am the type of person who puts all others before myself.

I don't blame all of the weight gain on anyone but myself, and as I said before, I wouldn't trade my new little family for anything.

I have had moments of self-hatred when looking in the mirror and getting a reality check and wake up call. My boyfriend is amazing and always says he loves me for me, and he says he doesn't think there is anything wrong with my body. But I know that I am not happy with it, nor am I comfortable in it. Cellulite...never had it before, but I do now. Love handles and back fat....not before, but again I have them now. I wasn't ever super skinny, but was very muscular. I want so badly to get back to that. I've done cleanses and fad diets, and "lifestyle" changes. But it's so incredibly hard with my limited time and a family and kids who are so small they need to be eating creamy, fattening things. Doctors orders. Don't get me wrong, I eat fruits and veggies at every meal. I drink tons of water. Lots of tea. But I also eat the salty and sweets as well.

I see all these women who have weighed more than me lose so much weight and gain lots of muscle and tone up. I want that so badly! And I know it's all up to me. At the beginning of the year I started waking up early to go to the gym. I'd go from 6am-7am before work. But then there are all the hiccups that I end up using as an excuse to quit. Sickness, too sore, too tired, etc. But I need to push through and just do it. Get it done. Because summer is 3 months away and I am no where near being comfortable in summer clothes anymore. I need to change and take charge of my body and weight.

I am going to do this. I just need to keep reminding myself that it doesn't happen overnight. It takes hard work and perseverance. My weakness is dinner and night time, so I need to figure something out to combat that.

That's all for now :)